The other day, I realized that I don't trust many people in Orlando. I find something wrong with everyone. Generally, most people are stupid. Common sense these days is not so common. What it really comes down to, is that most people need to get their priorities straight.
Once I start thinking about how I don't trust many people in Orlando, I start thinking... that the only person that I truly trust is my boyfriend, Sebastian.
But then I look deeper into that. I can't put my guard down with Sebastian. I will get so hurt. If I put everything into I have into him, he could take it away so easily. I am not certain of a lot of things with him. I do know that he loves me now, but I know he can do better than me. and that's what I'm afraid of. There are so many other girls better than me. I wondered the other day, How is Sebastian 'perfect'? Has he even fucked up in his life? Because if he has, I definitely don't know about it. I've fucked up so many times in my life and I have so many things I wish I could have done differently. But I realize that regret is a waste of time, so might as well just do things better.
What I need to learn, is to let things go the way it's going to go. I just think too much.
I've matured a lot in the past year and a half. My priorities are set straight now. But because of my mess ups in the past (pertaining to credit and school) I am now in a hole. I'm trying to get myself out but it's so hard when I make $9.85/hr. The reason why I stay at my work is because I like it there and the experience that I get from it also.
I'm frustrated right now. I can't wait for Seb to get off of work so I can cuddle. I need a good cuddle now and the feeling of security.